Every day I struggle to find ways to forget these feelings for you.
But for the past two years, the feelings just brewed and the scent of my love for you diffused in the air and I inhaled the feelings back into my body and I cringed and shivered and shriveled back into this helpless hopelessness to have you.
Not so much to get a taste of you and how you love as to show you how much I love every single bit of you.
The funny and weird faces you make that just pull me closer to you.
Your wit and sensitivity.
The way my old shirts snug and hug the sexiness of you.
The smell of your hair.
How I long to kiss you every day and this tiny distance between us is not helping.
How I long to stare at your eyes but I dare not for fear that you would see into my soul and finally know that I do not just like you;
that you are the definition of every day, the reason why I get up each morning excited to work.
It is only through these words that I could ever tell you how much I desire to have you in my life. And when I am on the verge of telling you, reality slaps me in the face and I know that I must let you be happy with someone else even if I know that I can do so much more than what she can do for you except probably gift you children.
But, know that I can and will do everything to make you feel like the king of the world but then again even if I could, would you?
Would you ever let me shout out to the world that I am finally yours?
Would you ever hold my hand in the open?
Would you ever kiss me under the gaze of the night sky?
But even these cannot kill the nagging need to love you and have you and be you and be loved by you.
Because if we were to have each other, I would let you love me in secret, in the confines of the room we will share, in the crevices of our body, in the heaven we will share in bed.
Because, you see, you define me now.